sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
