you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
