Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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