I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
