I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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