do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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