I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
