Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
