we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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