Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
