Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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