Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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