My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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