You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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