did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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