do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
