he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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