If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
