It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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