shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
