yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
