Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
