So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she told me i tasted like america
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
