Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
