You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
