Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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