I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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