i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
