does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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