my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
