im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
