Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They took my balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
