my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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