Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
