ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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