i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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