I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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