I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
