90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
