saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
