I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
