I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
