i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
