I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
