For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
