it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
