just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
