listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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