Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
