Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
