their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
