all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
