I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
