did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
